Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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