Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
then he tried to convert me to islam
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
