Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
