You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
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You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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