CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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