If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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