Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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