so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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