it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
