Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize