You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
