so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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