two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
