woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
