How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
