So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
