How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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