Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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