we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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