Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
