I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
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Enjoy the penises
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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