I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
