hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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