Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
