i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
