she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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