did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
