I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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