Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
