Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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