I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
