You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
