What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
What a dumb baby whore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
