do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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