My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
