I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
