Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
