Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
