I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
