last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
