Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
