Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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