Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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