So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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