Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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