I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize