I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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