Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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