He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
