I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize