I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize