I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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