I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
This is my gift to your gina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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