Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
