he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
