those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
MIDGETS
????
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
