he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
