Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
