hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize