Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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