awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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