I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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