I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
