so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
